I suppose today is as good as any to actually make a committment to do this blogging thing. . . I signed up back in December and I figure that 7 months is long enough to get used to the thought of posting my most personal and innermost thoughts for the world to see. Eh, life goes on so here I go.

Yesterday was my 23rd birthday and you know, the older I get, the less important it seems to be. I started the day like any other day in my world. Got up at 7:30 left for work at 8:20 worked until 4:30. . . the only difference was that when I got to work my sister had left a birthday cake on my desk for the office to enjoy yesterday afternoon. We take care of each other here because we work with a bunch of men who wouldn't remember their own wife's birthday if we didn't program it into their Palm Pilot or Blackberry.

The job with the best birthdays was always the preschool. I spent two years of my life there trying to figure out what exactly I wanted to do with my life. My logical side and my bank account at the time would tell you that it definitely wasn't that. Don't get me wrong, I adore kids and plan to have a bunch of my own some day but taking care of other people's kids can wear on you and I know that if I had spent any more time there, I would have had second thoughts about whether or not I could handle my own. There are times when something tugs on my heartstrings and makes me want to go back, just for a little while to see my "babies" (yeah, they were 3, so not really babies, but they were mine) but the stronger tug comes from my sanity and tells me that all of those afternoons during nap time when I would sit at my desk and cry because I hated having to raise someone else's out of control kid were absolutely not worth the havoc that they wrecked on my emotions and well being. No more preschool for me.

I used to think that when I have kids, I want to be a stay at home mom. For those of you who know me, you might say, "Well, yeah, that makes sense. Your mom was a stay at home mom." But what most of you don't know is that she really wasn't during the early part of my life. When my mom went back to work after she had me, I began spending the days with my grandparents in Topeka. They lived a few blocks from my mom's office at Santa Fe in Oakland (for those of you who know Topeka, yeah, it's kind of the ghetto). Those really were the happiest years of my life. My grandpa was my everything. He never had a lot of money but what he lacked financially, he made up for 100 fold in love for Ashley and I. I spent the first 5 years of my life with them Monday thru Friday and I loved every minute of it.

I think that's the way I want to do it. I want my mom to be the babysitter. I don't want to put my kids in daycare but I don't want to give up my career or the potential to make the life of my family that much better by having a job of my own. My mom doesn't work outside the home anymore. She was laid off from her job at Santa Fe (much to her liking) when I was in 2nd grade and hasn't worked outside the home since. She spends her days cross-stitching, knitting and getting ready to be a grandma. My parents still live here in Lawrence and as often as they talk about moving to Arizona or New Mexico after my dad retires I doubt it will happen, especially with Kim and Ashley and I getting older and at the stage in our lives where we're looking to get married and start families of our own.

My mom's been dreaming since the day she last changed a diaper on Ashley about the day she would become a grandma and Kim is making that come true this November. I honestly don't think once they see that beautiful baby boy that they will have any desire in the world to move that far away or anywhere outside of Lawrence for that matter. I know they'll eventually have to move out of the house that they have lived in for over 10 years because it's becoming harder and harder for my dad to get around because of his hip problems but at least now, maybe they'll stay in Lawrence. It scares me to death to think of them moving somewhere else. I know I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself, but it's nice to be able to go to their place and spend time with them whenever I want to because I know that they won't be around forever, just like grandpa wasn't around forever.

Wow, I went on forever today. . . I'll try to be less long-winded next time. I think this could be a good release for me. Back to work :-)

~Amanda

For Today: "Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself." - Matthew 19:19